Godless Killing Machines

Express your bear hatred with a colorful t-shirt!

2008-05-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

The world of hate is a lonely one sometimes. That's why it was so encouraging to have a FOG (Friend of GodlessKillingMachines), Bart Katz, let us know about this t-shirt opportunity.
I don't need to remind the reader that Bears are a threat to America. Any real hero knows this. But how often do we think of specific bear threats? Like how many precious children a year are slaughtered by bears? Bears defile the family unit by their senseless murder sprees. They threaten the of the basic foundations upon which the civilized world was built - marriage. Although our President and many of our trusted spiritual leaders understand that gay marriage is a threat to real marriage, we take the position that this threat pales in comparison to the Bear threat. Gays don't go around senselessly murdering people. Bears do! [disclaimer: nobody at Godless Killing Machines has any first hand account of gay activities] The point is that wearing this t-shirt to lovingly share your bear hatred with others will sensitize those who are not as alert as you to this world-wide problem.

This shirt would be an excellent Father's day present. Or a birthday present for a loved one or even an enemy (that would keep them on their toes).

We, at GKM.com, approve this t-shirt!

God bless America.

The Bible and Murderous Bears

2008-04-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

Most people don't know that the proposition that bears are evil, godless, killing machines is supported by the Bible which we all know is the official word of God himself.

2 Kings 2:23-24 (New International Version)

Check this out!
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!"

24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

Bears went wild and attacked and gravely wounded 42 children! Bears are amazingly fickle, ugly sub-animals with a hair trigger personality. All that happened because one of the children called this old bald-headed bastard a baldhead. That was it! And then these bears attacked and mauled all these children. They did it without any remorse what so ever. Remorse is not mentioned at all in the Bible. At godlesskillingmachines.com, we want to urge parents not to allow their children to play with bears. We've all seen what can happen when our precious children are allowed to come too close to these godforsaken creatures. God should smite every last one of them!

Celebrity Bear Murders Trainer!!

2008-04-23T21:28:00.001-07:00

We've all seen these cutesy-poo bear toys. Here we see the Sierra Club pimping it's own stuffed animal. Although we all know that the Sierra Club can't be trusted since they offer safe-harbor to all sorts of human-hostile animals including bears which should not be unexpected since these bear-toys are made in communist China by oppressed political prisoners. The blood of the innocent is all over these Sierra Club bear toys. One might think that the Sierra Club had hired Joseph Goebbels given the cleverness of this stunt.
These sorts of photos lead a person into a state mental and emotional unguardedness. Bears are cute. Bears love their cubs. Bears are all warm and cuddly. We've all heard that!
Well ... THAT'S WRONG!!!! This bear was caught a little offguard spewing his hatred and anger out towards others. He's a toxic beast and responsible for all kinds of mayhem and murdering. So it would seem obvious to not get close to one of these ill-willed creatures.
On April 24, 2008, San Bernardino County sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Beavers (must have been her porn name!) announced that a celebrity bear (he had been in some low rent movie) had attacked and killed his trainer. It's a perfect case of biting the hand that feeds you and any 11 year old knows you shouldn't do that! The bear murdered his his trainer of many years by biting him right on the neck. This was nothing but a calculated cold-blooded, premeditated outright murder.

You know what the weirdest thing about this whole case is? That the murder took place in Big Bear Lake in California! I've never been to Big Bear Lake but it sounds like a place where bears run rampant murdering and probably raping and pillaging too. This is a disgusting story but serves as a warning that we need to continue to live in fear of bears.

God Threatens Children with Bears

2008-04-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

In what is a remarkable low for the field of advertising and organized religion, this new fear campaign takes the cake. Most of the major religions have gotten behind this campaign of intimidation by telling our children that they need to tow the line in church or they will be eaten by bears.

To add insult onto injury the ad actually contains profanity! Kids: Don't FUCK with God says the sign. It's amazing that they used a sexually connotated word like fuck to intimidate children. The last thing we need is to have children learn about sex! Although it's a horrible sign you have to hand it to the advertising agency - they knew exactly what would terrify children the most - that's right - BEARS. And in a perverse sickening way it makes sense to combine profanity with bears. They are profane creatures without souls. There's nothing we can really do. Forgive me for ranting, but I was so appalled at using God (who knew in advance not to give souls to bears) and bears to scare our children. They are our future - they deserve better than this.

US Government launches racist attack against the Inuit culture

2008-04-12T22:18:00.000-07:00

The Inuit are a group of culturally similar indigenous peoples inhabiting the Arctic regions of Alaska, Greenland, and Canada. These primitive, but proud, people have traditionally relied on fish, marine mammals, and land animals (like bears!) for food, clothing, tools, and shelter. The Inuit's are God fearing folk - mostly Christian, which is good. Some of the Inuit subscribe to Shamanism which is like a religion except that it's not. Those who believe in Shamanism like to beat drums and chant a lot. However, what is suspicious about those type of people is that they have animal spirit guides - often times BEARS! So I think it's obvious why there is room for concern with Shamanism. But like I said, most are Christian which means that most of them worship the one true God. So we need to think of the Inuit as our "friends." If for no other reason than they kill and eat bears!

This leads us to the primary point of this post. The United States of America has launched a campaign to save the bears. This is some kind of environmental thing. It has to be - otherwise who would want to actually save bears? It makes no sense. It makes less than no sense because The US Fish and Wildlife Service, under direction of President Bush, has held off on offering a plan to save the bears where we need to drill for oil. The only obvious conclusion is that President Bush hates the Inuit.

I have been called a racist for thinking this! This disturbs me greatly as the Inuit are too adorable for me to racicize them. But I have been vindicated now that we have obtained an actual invasion plan from the US Military.

We see in this invasion plan that our military will strike on two fronts involving National Guard troops from Harrisburg, PA and Ames, IA. The Inuit will not know what's coming and I don't know why our government wants to liberate them from their bear killing. It's not like they waste the bears (although there's nothing wrong with that). They eat the bears and make tools from their bones and they wear bear hide to keep warm. The US has not yet invaded the Inuit. I hope every reader of this blog will contact their Senator and urge them to force the President to back off of this plan. The plan is not good for the Inuit and invading them will probably really piss off the Canadians which we probably shouldn't do. Thank you for taking the time to do that.

Bear hunting season is upon us!!!

2008-04-12T21:45:00.001-07:00

For all the human misery that bears have caused, it's always heartwarming when bear season opens up. And as of April 1, Alaska's bear season is under way.

Here at Godlesskillingmachines, we can recommend two bear hunts. In California, you can't beat Gorham Hunts. Gorham Hunts down right gaurantees that you will bag a bear. And it's a bargain too at only $1,500 per murdered bear. It's a true American bargain when you consider that a bear hunt in Alaska or Canada can set you back $4,500 or more. These bear murders take place in the beauty of Klamath River National Forrest. There's no more pleasant way to spend a week than putting a Grizzly in the crosshairs of your scope and oh-so-gently squeezing off the round that puts down a bear.
Chase Adventure Hunting Adventures in Alaska can put you in touch with your playful inner child by arranging a 10 day bear murdering spree complete with a guide.

The Chase Adventure is much more expensive (at $11,000) but you get to murder your bear in the snow. If you love the scenic beauty of a winter wonderland mixed with the red, warm feel of freshly flowing bear blood, then the Chase Adventure excurstion is for your family!

NEWSFLASH! Vegans Don't Eat Bears!

2008-04-06T19:19:00.001-07:00

Asbjorn Intonsus has written a cookbook. We're supposed to be excited about this I guess. I looked through this book, and I did not find a single recipe using tasty bear meat. Not one. Hundreds of recipes and not a single one using bear meat. Was this just an oversight?

Asbjorn Intonsus, obviously not an American with a name like Asbjorn, is from Vegan (which explains his name). There are lots of bears in North America. The fact that there are no bears in his native Vegan is probably the reason that there are no bear recipes. Not even a bear stew!

This book is in the vein of Soy Not Oi according to Amazon.com. I have no clue what that means, but it can't be good. Furthermore, this book is one in the line of cruelty-free cookbooks. Mr. Intonsus seems to believe that we shouldn't be cruel to bears. Why he would take such an absurd and indefensible position is beyond me. The damn book even has crossword puzzles and discussions of what music to listen to while eating. The point being that clearly Mr. Intonsus couldn't flesh out a real cookbook so he filled it with other stuff.

Let's face it. This cookbook is a snoozer. There are no bear recipes. In fact, as I perused the book, I don't recall seeing a single meat recipe. It's a mighty peculiar book.

Man sexes up bear statue in public park!

2008-03-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought you've seen every kind of absolute depravity that bears can do or lead the more weak willed among humans to do - we see this. The man is at a public park and even a bronze statue of a bear coerces a man to have sex with it. It's got to be phermones because otherwise there is no explanation!

Bear rapes another bear in ZOO! Children should not go to zoos!!

2008-03-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

I'm quite beside myself with this travesty of a video clip that another disgusted enemy of the bear forwarded to me. We all know what zoo are for: they provide educational opportunities for our children and keep horrible animals such as bears off the street where obviously they would maul and rape our women.

So what do we have here? Six minutes of a psychopathic male bear repeatedly raping another bear. In the ZOO! And, get this, in front of a bunch of children!!!!

I'm seriously going to go puke now! And if I find out any of you takes your children to see these kinds of perversions in a zoo, I will personally call child protection services on your ass!!

Bears and pornography!

2008-03-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

In what has got to be the most sickening display of effrontery, even teddy bears have seen fit to move into the dark underworld of pornography. We hated to watch this and we debated whether or not to share this, but as we all know, this is America! And the constitutional amendment concerning free speech is clear: we have an obligation to show your bear pornography.

So here it is - unadulterated, raw, vivid, and disgusting.

PUBLIC BEAR SEX!

2008-03-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

As if we didn't already have more than enough evidence that bears are the most disgusting creatures to walk the planet ... You can't even take a casual ride through a national park with seeing public displays of carnal knowledge on the part of these lascivious creatures who will not pass up any opportunity to debase themselves publically. Protect your children is the only advice we can offer.

Bear rips off guys face!

2008-03-23T15:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, no joking around on this one people! A man was attacked by a bear and was horribly disfigured. This video clip details his reconstructive surgery that took a year.

NOT for the squeamish!!!

Europeans have to be idiots!!

2008-03-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently biologists in Italy, Austria (birth place of HITLER!), and France (not a legitimate country) have decided there ARE NOT enough bears wandering around killing people! This story in Der Spiegel (or shall we say "Heil Spiegel"?) touts the greatness of this project but highlighted in the article is the story of a woman out for a walk with her dog and a bear stalks her and almost eats her and/or the dog! THEN (get this!) the German author doesn't quite understand the irony of then asking Friend or Foe? The article also claims that there are more than 14,000 bears in Russia. It's hard to feel sorry for a country full of communists - sorry! Go cry me a river!
Click me!

Bear KILLS! Yet another tourist dead!

2008-03-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

When will this senseless violence end? This clips shows how awful a bear can be when a tourist wants to do nothing but take some video and pet the wild bear. The wife is feeding the bear (why do that?? They should all be starved to death!) from their car but the husband gets out to get closer. It turns out the bear had no respect for him and violated his personal space by pouncing on him unexpectedly and then eating him.
Click me for more horror!

House cats fight off bears - chase them up trees!

2008-03-18T01:06:00.000-07:00

We all know that bears are cowards and while they bluster around they cower when confronted by a puma or tiger. But get this - they cower when confronted by house cats! This clip has a declawed house cat that chases a bear up a tree! Watch this clip if you want to see a bunch of bears get humiliated.

Evil Polar Bears Hideously Attack Walrus Pups!!

2008-03-18T00:15:00.000-07:00

This video is not for the faint of heart. It is a sickening display of the cunning and cruelty of such magnitude that ONLY bears are seen to manifest. Bears, usually loners, gang up and kidnap a bunch of walrus pups, drag them off and rip them apart! The Discovery channel should be shamed for putting together this graphic, bloody and dsi

Gummi Bears Dangerous!

2008-03-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

This is a horrible trick on our children. This is what can happen in your child's science class! This also proves that gummi bears are made from obviously dangerous chemicals.

More bears! (if that's a good thing...)

2008-03-14T16:49:00.000-07:00

We have more bear pics! One set from a trip to Winnipeg, one set of a giant bear in Denver!, and then a set of Cathy with bears in Big Bear, California.

Hope to have them up soon!

yippie!

2008-03-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

This post inaugurates the blog associated with the godlesskillingmachines.com (or .org). This is a site put together by a couple of ColbertNation fans motivated by by their deep hatred of bears (just like Dr. Stephen Colbert).

We would love to hear from other bear haters or from anyone with hateful comments about bears.