The Bible and Murderous Bears

Most people don't know that the proposition that bears are evil, godless, killing machines is supported by the Bible which we all know is the official word of God himself.

2 Kings 2:23-24 (New International Version)

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23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" 

24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

Bears went wild and attacked and gravely wounded 42 children! Bears are amazingly fickle, ugly sub-animals with a hair trigger personality. All that happened because one of the children called this old bald-headed bastard a baldhead. That was it! And then these bears attacked and mauled all these children. They did it without any remorse what so ever. Remorse is not mentioned at all in the Bible. At godlesskillingmachines.com, we want to urge parents not to allow their children to play with bears. We've all seen what can happen when our precious children are allowed to come too close to these godforsaken creatures. God should smite every last one of them!

God Threatens Children with Bears

In what is a remarkable low for the field of advertising and organized religion, this new fear campaign takes the cake. Most of the major religions have gotten behind this campaign of intimidation by telling our children that they need to tow the line in church or they will be eaten by bears.

To add insult onto injury the ad actually contains profanity! Kids: Don't FUCK with God says the sign. It's amazing that they used a sexually connotated word like fuck to intimidate children. The last thing we need is to have children learn about sex! Although it's a horrible sign you have to hand it to the advertising agency - they knew exactly what would terrify children the most - that's right - BEARS. And in a perverse sickening way it makes sense to combine profanity with bears. They are profane creatures without souls. There's nothing we can really do. Forgive me for ranting, but I was so appalled at using God (who knew in advance not to give souls to bears) and bears to scare our children. They are our future - they deserve better than this.